Every day, 5 jokes – Day 1

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This is only Day 1. If any of these offend you, get a grip. It’s only going to get worse from here.

  1. Justin and Hailey Bieber were denied entry into a NYC restaurant earlier this week, with management saying that they were ‘treated like anyone else would be’. “Treated like anyone else would be?” Did they get food poisoning too?
  2. Matthew McConaughey published an op-ed where he called for ‘gun responsibility’ versus ‘gun control’. Which makes sense when you consider that among all the things Americans are famous for, ‘responsibility’ is number one.
  3. Margorie Taylor Greene made some news by hiring controversial commentator Milo Yiannopoulos as an intern. When asked for comment on bringing a YouTuber with a horrific past on her team, she expressed regret that she couldn’t hire her first choice – the Logan Paul suicide video.
  4. Yiannopoulos describes himself as an ‘ex-gay’ man who calls his husband ‘the guy I live with’ who’s ‘been demoted to housemate’. That headline again, ‘Milo Yiannopoulos learns what divorce is’.
  5. A new diabetes drug is said to be helpful to obese people who don’t even have diabetes, with people in their study losing anywhere from 35 to 52 pounds. And I’ve had it with these people resorting to pharmaceuticals to lose weight. I did mine the old fashioned way, being too poor to afford inflated food prices.

SCENE RECREATION: BEFORE SUNRISE

acting

I went to the screening of Best Picture winner CODA and met Madeleine Humphries. She was there with an actor friend of hers and I was there with my brother. She saw us walking in the reception and reached out to us and we struck up a conversation. I talked with her actor friend more than I talked to her, but I managed to show her the La La Land scene I did earlier and that piqued her interest. We met up a couple more times to talk about potential scenes to do and then…2 months later we put this out. Talk about fate!

Hope you enjoy this recreation of a scene from the iconic movie ‘Before Sunrise’.

Our recreation
The original

La La Land – Scene Recreation

acting

I remember loving this scene from the first moment I saw it in a theater. I also knew I would never get a chance to perform the lines because…I’m a guy. So we shot it both ways, because ultimately I believe that this scene isn’t really between a man and a woman, but between an actor and a musician. Between two people whose relationship allows them to be vulnerable to one another while also being brutally honest in support of one another.

The ‘original recreation’, starring Sharayu Mahale as Mia and me as Sebastian.
The swapped version, with me as Mia.

The original by my actress crush herself

Weekly Monologue – “Perfect for Each Other” from Good Will Hunting

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Another week, another monologue, another GOOD WILL HUNTING monologue. God, I love this movie so much.

In this scene, Robin Williams’ character teaches Matt Damon’s character a little thing or two about romance. Holding people to impossible standards and keeping them propped up in your mind is unhealthy, especially because you’re not without your own flaws yourself.

Hope you enjoy.

Here’s the original:

Weekly Monologue – “The Best Part of My Day”

Monologues

This is a scene from one of my favorite movies, Good Will Hunting. I’m working on a couple scenes from this movie, because each one of them feels like an older version of myself speaking to a younger version of myself.

In this scene, Will’s friend Chuckie lets Will know that he’s wasting his potential by staying at home.

And here’s the original:

On new beginnings, Parks and Recreation, and being 100% ‘That Bitch’

Blog Posts

As I’m typing this, I have competing feelings of genuine happiness and utter frustration. I’m happy because for the first time in a while, I feel like my life is moving forward, towards goals that I set for myself when I was the fresh-faced kid that moved to Los Angeles almost 6 (!!!!) years ago. I’m writing stand-up bits again, I’m writing screenplays again, and I’m lucky enough to be auditioning a couple times a week for high-profile projects (whether or not I’m converting those auditions into parts…is another story). I’m also happy that I’ve been lucky enough to be able to work throughout this pandemic, and I’m even happier now because I’ve recently accepted a job offer that is a return to the stuff that I like doing the most – producing shit.

I’m frustrated for things that are largely outside of my control. Namely, the fact that the pandemic I thought was ending is actually not close to ending, with Los Angeles and other major cities returning to masked life, as well as a country-wide vaccination rate that can only be described as embarrassing. As a vaccinated person that followed all the rules, it’s maddening to me. To be mad at the CDC and government officials is one thing, but I think truly the anger and frustration should be pointed towards people who are willingly not getting vaccinated. Now, if you’ve got pre-existing issues and conditions that make you wary of the vaccine, that’s fine. I get it. If you’re not getting the vaccine for purely political reasons? Fuck all the way off. You’re the reason we’re in this mess, and I hope that shit ends up on your headstone – “I was a fucking idiot to own the libs”.


Anyway, that’s where I’m at mentally. I think a lot of us are there or somewhere close after spending a whole year and a half inside our houses. Some of us unable to work, some of us unable to leave the house. And even when you left your house, you couldn’t see anyone’s full face. We are living through a time that will be talked about in history books for a long time. It’s pretty heavy stuff. All of our lives changed in some way, significant or otherwise. And that’s what inspired me to write my first blog post in years.

For a lot of us, the pandemic represented a new beginning of sorts. Jobs ended, relationships were broken up, people moved to new places en masse. For myself, I had thought about walking away from stand-up comedy and acting almost a year ago. I didn’t think I had much more to say that I hadn’t said already, I was self-conscious and wondering if I was even funny anymore, all the auditions that I had felt like running my head through a brick wall. It was a dark, all too familiar place for me to be in. And since the pandemic had no end in sight, I thought that was the place I was doomed to be in for the rest of my life. Which obviously now looking at it was stupid as fuck.

“For myself, I had thought about walking away from stand-up comedy and acting almost a year ago.”

I had this conversation with two dear friends who were going through new beginnings of their own. And for both of them, they had hit some bumps in the road. These two friends are incredibly talented people who aren’t used to these kinds of obstacles. And all of a sudden they were asking questions about themselves similar to the questions I asked myself a year ago. Questions that were fundamental to their identity, that they had based their lives and careers on up till this point.

It reminded me of an episode of Parks and Recreation, where Leslie Knope had just been elected to City Council and had proposed her first bill, a tax on sugary drinks. In the episode, she gets opposition from lobbyists who threaten layoffs if her bill gets passed. She takes that threat to heart and becomes, for the first time in her life, unsure of herself. She goes to Ron Swanson’s office to get his advice and says “I had conviction because I knew what I believed in, but I don’t know with this new job. I feel like I lost my bearings.” And Ron says something to her that I said to my two friends and something I wish had been said to me when I was going through my crisis of confidence last year.

“No, you haven’t.”

“You may have wandered into unknown terrain, but you’re still you.”

That, right there. Advice that we could all use, every day of our lives. The world is a crazy place. This thing we call life is a crazy thing. It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day of it. Especially today, with the advent of doomscrollers like Twitter and Instagram, it’s simpler than ever to get caught comparing your life to others. Growing up in an Indian community, getting compared to friends of mine is something I’m quite used to. And I tell ya, it’s one of the least productive things you could ever find yourself doing. It’s instances like this where I like to remind people that we’ve all gone through our own shit. We’ve all overcome our obstacles. We have this thing in society where it’s almost looked down upon to think about your successes because it’s seen as ‘bragging’. No, what you’re doing is acknowledging that you’ve done your shit. You’ve moved mountains just to be where you are right now. And while you might think where you are right now might be the worst place you’ve ever been, just remember that you’ve had that thought before. You’ve been down in the bottom of a valley before, and you worked your way out of it. If you’re working at a place where you don’t feel like you’re fitting in, even though you’ve had success at every other place you’ve been to before that, it’s not because all of a sudden you’ve forgotten what you’re all about. It’s not a ‘you’ thing. You’re still you. You’re still that same person that made it through hoops of fire to be where you are now. Sure, maybe there are some things that you need to work on, but that’s life. We must evolve over time. But you didn’t all of a sudden lose all your talent, all that experience, all that passion. You might believe you did, but that’s just you focusing on your failures and your shortcomings. When you feel lost and alone, think of all the things that you’ve done in your life that you’re proud of. I guarantee that feeling will not last much longer.

Onward and upward friends, onward and upward.

Here’s the scene from Parks and Rec if you want to check it out:

-yB

Jokes – 1.30.21

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Been a while since I’ve written monologue jokes, but I’m trying to get more consistent with it.

Gamestop’s stock has soared over 1000% to $300 in the past month because people on Reddit have been driving up the price. What’s crazier is if Gamestop tried to trade itself in at Gamestop, they’d get like 10 bucks back.

The popular trading app Robinhood has come under fire for restricting users ability to trade skyrocketing stocks, which is ironic when you consider what their name means. Not to be outdone, Mark Zuckerberg debuted a new AI initiative at Facebook called ‘Not Skynet’.

President Biden recently indicated that his Coronavirus aid package would get passed with or without Republican congressional support. Or, maybe that’s what he said. The actual quote was “Gee willikers, we’ll get that humdinger through without a bit of malarkey.”

Tom Brady is moving on to the 10th Super Bowl of his career, the most of any player in NFL history. When reached for comment, the rest of the world just said, “Yawn.”

Donald Trump has opened up “The Office of The Former President” in Florida, where he now lives. I guess that does sound better than “The Overweight Orange Lives Here Now.”

Jokes!

Jokes

Hello everyone

I know no one reads this thing anymore because I said i was going to update it but I never did. Regardless, I thought I’d start using this platform again as a way to help myself. I recently wrote a submission packet for the NBC Late Night Writers Workshop, and part of the packet was writing 1-2 pages of monologue jokes. I really enjoyed that exercise, mostly because when I’m developing jokes I’m in a really happy place and I can be really productive with other things. SO i’ve decided to start writing more of them. For the past couple weeks I have just been tweeting them out but now I’m gonna start collecting the favorites of the ones I’ve written so far and posting them. Gonna shoot for a daily update, hope for a weekly one, which means you’ll probably be getting these periodically.