‘What do you think, Professor Intersex and Dragneto are going to start a revolution? No, they just want to be people!’
Been a while since I’ve written monologue jokes, but I’m trying to get more consistent with it.
Gamestop’s stock has soared over 1000% to $300 in the past month because people on Reddit have been driving up the price. What’s crazier is if Gamestop tried to trade itself in at Gamestop, they’d get like 10 bucks back.
The popular trading app Robinhood has come under fire for restricting users ability to trade skyrocketing stocks, which is ironic when you consider what their name means. Not to be outdone, Mark Zuckerberg debuted a new AI initiative at Facebook called ‘Not Skynet’.
President Biden recently indicated that his Coronavirus aid package would get passed with or without Republican congressional support. Or, maybe that’s what he said. The actual quote was “Gee willikers, we’ll get that humdinger through without a bit of malarkey.”
Tom Brady is moving on to the 10th Super Bowl of his career, the most of any player in NFL history. When reached for comment, the rest of the world just said, “Yawn.”
Donald Trump has opened up “The Office of The Former President” in Florida, where he now lives. I guess that does sound better than “The Overweight Orange Lives Here Now.”
August 11th is probably going to go down as one of “those days”.
Not in the history of the world, but in the history of my life, August 11th is shaping up to be very important.